apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize