giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
is that a dick in a sweater?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
