Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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