Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
