I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
