At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
