I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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