You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
