Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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