Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize