Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...

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(224): View more from Illinois

someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?

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(254): View more from Texas

You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity

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(602): View more from Arizona

Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.

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(813): View more from Florida

It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.

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