he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
