final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize