party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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