can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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