dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
