I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
