If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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