trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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