They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
