I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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