Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
