duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
