you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
