I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
