Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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