Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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