She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
