Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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