These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
