They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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