So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
