I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
