I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
