Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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