Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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