So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
