sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
