Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
