yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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