SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
