you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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