I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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