No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
