Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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