So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
