I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
