Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
