I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
