He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
