i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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