you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
