Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
