i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
