Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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