I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
