420 ftw
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
