ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
