i'm signing you up for texting rehab
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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