he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
