Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
