If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
