My hair reeks of homosexuality.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
