even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
