come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
