if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
