I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
