I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
