my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
