we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
