Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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