Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
