I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
