dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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