lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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