She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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