i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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