True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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