my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
