this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
