On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize