I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
