Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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