i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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