Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
