11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
