last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
