I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will be naked everywhere
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
