i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
