I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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